


Fool, Count Your Blessings

by maxduckbutt



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, Crack, Family, Fluff, M/M, Romance, but not really, pranks gone wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 02:44:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6686014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxduckbutt/pseuds/maxduckbutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaejoong comes home to his worst nightmare. It's all the three stooges' fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fool, Count Your Blessings

Present time:

Jaejoong veered into the driveway of the house, the loud music from the stereo disturbing the eerie quiet of the neighborhood. He turned the engine off, anticipation thrumming through his veins at the prospect of finally seeing Yunho and Moonbin after 3 months of being on tour.

It wasn’t easy being away for so long. They’d even fought on the phone the last time they’d spoken to each other, but that hadn’t stopped Jaejoong from sending messages to Yunho asking him to eat healthy and sleep more. Yunho would reply with an “I’m fine…take care of yourself first.”

“When are you coming home, Jae?”

“When the tour ends. We’ve talked about this, Yunho. I can’t just up and abandon the band.”

“We miss you.”

“I know ,Yunho, but this is my life, my job. I can’t give it up because you have occasional abandonment issues."

“Abandonment issues?”

“There’s no need to get riled up. You know what I mean."

“No. No, actually I don’t. You’re such a jerk, you know that?…Why do I have to stay up every night watching my son cry himself to sleep because my asshat of a boyfriend who promised to love my son like his own is too far away to read him a bed time story or make him hot cocoa or even call enough to tell him he loves him?”

“I’m getting really tired of this, Yunho. I’ve had a long day. It’s my job! It used to be your job too! Before you decided to quit and start choreographing instead. Not everyone wants to make the same choices that you do!”

“You think this is just about me wanting you to be home more often? What I want is for you to stop acting like a complete imbecile in public. Getting drunk. Hanging off of strange men and running around topless at bars…Do you realise how much that effects me? Or my son?…If you don’t want to take up responsibility for all of this then tell me. Tell me that you don’t want a part in our lives and I’ll stop having any expectations from you. Tell me, so that Moonbin can stop asking me if he can call you dad!”

“...I’m going to bed Yunho. I’ll see you when I get back. I think we need to think about where our relationship is going.”

Jaejoong sighed tiredly, reaching into the backseat (A/N /cackles/) to pick up his duffle bag and get out of the car, while the nip of the cold April night sent goose bumps cascading down the length of his arm.

He had a lot of apologizing to do and probably a lot of compromising too. He owed Yunho everything in the world for giving him a home and a family to come back to. It was a lot more than he had and a lot more than he deserved.  
xxxxxxxx

The house was suspiciously dark and quiet when Jaejoong entered, the usual light over the staircase ominously off and the absence of the usual noise from Moonbin’s excited jabbering and Yunho’s dance music deafening.

“Yunho? Are you home?”

“Moonbin?”

Jaejoong frowned and walked in to the living room and found that it was as dark as everywhere else.

“Yunho? Binnie?…where are you guys?”

Jaejoong let out a relieved huff when he spotted a sliver of light coming from underneath the kitchen door. He hurried across with an excited hello at the tip of his tongue when his heart stopped cold.

  
xxxxxxxx

He had mastered panic attacks; or rather he had mastered identifying them.

He really had.

His chest felt like someone was stepping on it.

He gasped because it was like there was no oxygen in the room.

His eyesight tunneled, the edges darkening as he saw his boyfriend and his son lying in their own blood, a gun thrown carelessly to the side.

“Y-yunho…” he croaked hand trembling as he tried to reach out, but the dizziness forced him to fall listlessly against the wall.

He felt bile rise up in his throat; tears fogged what little vision he had left.

His heart ached.

Yunho…YunhoYunhoYunhoYunho

Oh Binnie…my baby…my baby

nonononononoNO-

“NO!” he screamed until his throat felt like it was going to rip.

“APRIL FOOLS!!!”  
xxxxxxx

Earlier that day:

“Binnie, for the last time, Jaejoong's going to have my head because of this. We are not going to do this.”

“Come on, Pops. Uncle Yoochun said that this would be perfect!”

“You’re too young to have a vendetta against your poor old man’s boyfriend. Can’t you wait a couple of years before trying to give us grey hair?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“We are not leaving you at Uncle Changmin’s house anymore.”

“You say that every single time and then give in because it’s Uncle Changmin and he’s the apple of your eye.”

“He is not.”

“He totally is.”

“Either way, we are not doing this. I might be angry at Jae, but this is too much. We are not going to give him a heart-attack.”

“Actually…” Amused voices called out from behind them, “You have to.”

“Ah crap.”

“Remember the little dare you agreed to during New Year’s Eve? The one where you told Jaejoong that you would scare him out of his mind during April Fools?”

“Yeah but-"

Yoochun, Changmin and Junsu grinned, “Bang bang mother f-“

“LANGUAGE!”

xxxxxxx

Present:

Jaejoong put his shaking fingers against his lips as a mischievous Moonbin gazed cheerfully back at him, holding up a stupid blood pillow and waving it in amusement, while a concerned looking Yunho reached out for him.

“B-binnie…Y-yun…”

“Oh God, Jae. I knew this was a terrible idea. Come on, Love, you need to breathe…look at me…I’m fine. Look at me.” Yunho muttered, pulling Jaejoong into his arms and stroking his head, while quietly telling Moonbin to go to the living room and watch some TV.

“Pop, is he okay?”

“He’s fine. Or he will be. Never again, you got that? We are never doing this again.”

“Alright...just-Sorry”

“Tell your uncles to keep hiding until this is over.”

“I think they already ran away."

xxxxxxx

“THAT WAS NOT FUNNY!”

“I kn-“

“PRETENDING TO BE DEAD WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND COMES HOME AFTER 3 MONTHS OF BEING AWAY IS NOT FUNNY! PUTTING A FAKE GUN NEAR YOUR HEAD TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU WERE SHOT WAS NOT FUNNY! LETTING OUR SON PLAY DEAD WAS NOT FUNNY! MAKING ME FEEL LIKE MY LIFE JUST ENDED WAS NOT FUNNY!”

“Jaejoong calm-“

“NO! DON”T TELL ME TO BE CALM, JUNG YUNHO!” Jaejoong shouted, punching Yunho repeatedly in the shoulder.

“It was just a stupid prank-“

“Oh ha-fucking-ha, Yunho, look your boyfriend and your child are lying dead in your kitchen, it’s the funniest fucking thing on the planet!”

“Jae-“

“Are you that angry at me? Huh? Were you so upset that you thought I deserved being emotionally damaged for life?!”

“Jae…”

“WHAT YUNHO?!”

“You called Binnie your child…”

“Of course I did-I-“

Jaejoong stared at Yunho, eyes bright with tears and salt tracks down his cheeks.

“He’s as good as my son. You know that. And that’s not the point. The point is trying to give me a-Stop it.”

Yunho smiled a big wide smile and kissed Jaejoong’s cheek, kitten licking at his tears and placing sound pecks against the other’s eyes, nose and mouth.

“I love you to the stars and back, Kim Jaejoong.”

Jaejoong’s mouth trembled, the fight and panic draining out of him. He leaned against Yunho, clasping hard at the other’s shirt and sobbing into his shoulder.

“You can’t leave me... You can’t ever leave me. You are not allowed to walk away from this relationship and you are definitely not allowed to die on me, ever!”

“Everyone dies som-“

“Shut up and agree with me. Please. You have to say it exactly like this “I, Jung Yunho, solemnly promise to never breakup with Kim Jaejoong or die.””

“Jae, come on-“

“Please,” Jaejoong whispered.

Yunho sighed, placing a soft kiss on Jaejoong’s forehead before nuzzling his face against the side of the other’s neck, “I, Jung Yunho, promise to never breakup with Kim Jaejoong or die. I also promise to never let him breakup with me or die.”

“Bad person…”

Yunho grinned and moved to kiss the corner of his mouth, before grasping the other’s upper lip between his lips and sipping.

After about a half hour of kissing and hugging in the kitchen, Jaejoong sat up onto the island and reached out to cup Yunho’s face in his hands.

“I’m not going to leave again, Yun,” Jae muttered, tracing his fingers along Yunho’s eyebrows.

“Are you saying this because of the prank or because it’s something you’ve thought about?”

“I’ve thought about this for weeks.”

“But what about the band?”

“I’m just their producer…I can work from here and send the production assistants with them. I don’t want to keep fighting with you and hurting you. You deserve better than that.”

“Took you six years to figure this out?”

“Oh shut up. All of this doesn’t come without hard work.” Jaejoong said, pointing at himself.

"Now tell me whose idea this terrible, terrible prank was? I know it wasn’t yours; you’re way too naive to come up with this. Moonbin had accomplices…”

“Uh…the dog?”

“I’m counting to 3.”

“1…”

“Jae...”

“2…”

“They’ve alread-“

“3…”

“The three stooges.”

“AHA!”

Jaejoong bent down and grabbed both the blood pillows and walked out of the kitchen.

“Where are you going?!”

“To stuff these down their throats."

 

Fin.

 

Ref: Blood Pillows

**Author's Note:**

> Comment/Kudos 
> 
> You know the drill.


End file.
